Pope vs. Rael Deathmatch: Who Will Win?!

Ever wonder what the difference is between the leader of the largest religious group in the world and the leader of a tiny religion that everyone laughs at? Let’s investigate!

Pope vs. Rael Deathmatch

Crap, this is a close match.. The pope certainly has more power than Rael..  but Rael on the other hand sleeps with many hot chicks* whereas the pope sleeps with no one (no females at least.. that we know of).

*I met him a few years back while working at an AMC movie theater, I was ripping tickets when he came to see Bruce Almighty and had five rather hot looking girls in their mid-twenties, all giggling at the fact that they got to see a movie with him.

And so, the winner hands down HAS to be Rael, just cause he know how to use his power, something the pope needs to learn; it’s all about getting some action. :D

Don’t Jump! God Loves You!

Good Religious Jokes:

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!” He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”

He said, “Yes.” I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said, “A Christian.” I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me, too! What franchise?” He said, “Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”

He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said, “Me, too!”
Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.” I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

Teaching Creationism AND Science in School

What could possibly be better than teaching both creationism and science in school, you know, to let the kids decide what is total trash and what’s actually real. What problems could possibly arise when you teach young and unknowing minds a pile of shit and expect them to know the good from bad? Golly, I can’t possibly foresee ANY problems with this concept, can you?

Creationism and Science in School

I like magic. Harry Potter makes it so much fun. Harry Potter is the bestest and he’s my hero! Physics is icky and way more boringer. I’m going to stop paying attention to teacher when he teaches boring physics cause magic is sooooo much cooler!
Problems? What problems, this is a sound idea and should be promoted as much as possible! Yes yes.

Congradulations! You’re Dead!

I’m always a little bit confused by people’s reactions towards death. Virtually everyone I know fears death (you’d have to be tired of life or depressed to not), this brings a strange phenomena to attention:

If heaven is such a great place, and we all have everlasting souls that will carry our existence on well after death.. why would anyone fear death? Surely this afterlife will be more amazing than words can describe, right?

Congradulations - You're Dead!

I can only come up with two explanations for this.

  1. People who fear death, think they aren’t going to heaven. Hell after all, is supposed to be really scary, painful and overall.. bad
  2. They don’t really believe that they will have an afterlife, instead they think this really is the end, and they’ll cease to exist once they die.

Maybe this is just one big conspiracy, people love life on earth so much that they can’t believe the afterlife will actually be better? Nah, they just realize that the notion of heaven and hell are just bullshit being peddled by religious figures in order for you to listen to them.

Hey, you wanna live forever? Want to have 2000 hot virgin women waiting for you in the most amazingly amazing place where all your desires come true? Yeah? All you have to do is believe in my church, my god and comes visit my store (church) every Sunday and be sure to make a nice generous donation (more money = more virgins, i swear) when the collection plate comes around.

Man, this deal sounds so sweet! I’m totally gonna go sign up for ALL the religions out there, just so I can enjoy the benefits of ALL the afterlifes.. COMBINED! Beat that bitches, I’m so gonna have the pimpin’-est soul out there.

I totally can’t wait to die. Can you?

Some Evil Bastards

Holy crap, I would like to donate $100 to the dude who made this billboard in hopes that he makes more. This is by far the most amazing ad I’ve ever seen.

Bush Goes To Hell

Hail Be To Xenu

What’s not to like about Scientology? What a fun question, simply because it’s one of the most amusing religions out there.

Let’s look at why:

In Scientology doctrine created by a science fiction writer Ron Hubbard. Xenu (also Xemu) is an alien ruler of the “Galactic Confederacy” who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of aliens to Earth in DC-8-like spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living, and continue to wreak chaos and havoc today.

I’m honestly not even sure why I have to mock this pile of trash for being so clearly ficticious, but, you can never underestimate the power of stupidity. According to them, there’s 8,000,000 followers, of course, actual census shows their numbers are closer to….. 60,000.. doesn’t that suck eh? But anyway, since irReligion is all about debunking the ludicrous concepts presented by religions I feel compelled to point out the sheer stupidities that are Scientology.

Apparently it’s not clearly obvious to it’s followers that Captain Hubbard (he’s not really a pirate captain, he just pretends.. Yarr!) came up with this religion purely for profit

Zenu Loves You

And Now, For some amazing Quotes! (Who doesn’t love quotes? I sure do)

Ron Hubbard

We are slowly and carefully teaching the unholy a lesson. It is as follows: We are not a law enforcement agency. BUT we will become interested in the crimes of people who seek to stop us. If you oppose scientology we promptly look up – and find and expose – your crimes. If you leave us alone we will leave you alone.

Ron Hubbard

Make money. Make more money. Make other people make money.

It’s great to see the only response they can come up with when people criticize them is “WHAT IS YOUR CRIME?!“. Honestly, this religion is surreal in it’s complete stupidity. But let’s be fair, this religion was created by a crackhead/failed writer who just wanted to make a quick buck; when you compare it to other religions like Christianity or Islam who have had thousands of years to work out the kinks and refine their brainwashing techniques, it becomes obvious why Scientology seems so feeble.

Guess What, The World is Round

Sometimes I feel like I’m the dude who claims the world is round and all those religious idiots out there are saying “nope, it’s flat – we know it is because god said so”. The question isn’t if people are ever going to figure out that god doesn’t exist, but instead when. Eventually we’re going to figure out exactly how the universe was created (we already have a pretty good idea, but it has yet to be conclusively proven through science), and when we do, there will simply be no more need for god. I say “need” because it seems some people really do need to have the answer to everything, it makes them feel good inside to say “yup, there is no unknown, because everything that is unknown is just “god, duh”. This need is what has driven religion to exist for as long as it has, and with great costs.

Hundreds of years ago curious people would look up and say “the sky is blue.. but why?”, then some know-it-all that didn’t know his ass from his elbow thought he’d look real smart (and possibly rich) if he were to say, “it’s because god made it blue!”. At the time this was enough to convince a lot of people since they didn’t know better and had no scientific means to prove otherwise. Today however, it’s completely unacceptable for any semi-reasonable person to be making the same such claims and dare I say, lies. Why lies? Because it’s completely false to claim the sky is blue because god created it that way — there really is no disputing that. The sky is blue not because god made it blue, but instead because we live on a planet with an atmosphere, something that was proven through scientific analysis. Only a creationist would dispute this fact.

I Don't Know

Throughout history there has been one true opponent to truth and learning, religion. Religion has always been ready to shoot down any new theories that might explain our world. But, why would they want oppose the truth? Because then it lessens their version of the truth (which are simply lies, really) and with it, religion’s purpose. Any time there is a radical new theory that changes the way we see our existence or world, various religious institutions (the Christian church being the main opponent) has always stepped in and tried to stop the furthering of knowledge, be it through book burning or outright murder. Truth however has this way of leaking out, despite the best attempts to stop it. It’s sort of like the line: “the truth shall set you free” (John 8:32), which of course is completely ironic coming from a religious book like the bible. (More interesting about that quote is how it starts, “So Jesus said to those Jews who believed in him, “If you live by what I say, you are truly my disciples.” [John 8:31]. Translation: have blind faith in what I say, and you will be free!).

Even with everything we have learned, there are still a near infinite number of unknowns left out there that we have yet to explain or understand; but that is no reason to just shrug our shoulders and say “i guess we’ll never know, it must be because of god and his mysterious ways!”. Instead we need to say “we’re going to figure it out one way or another, and not stop until we do”. This is of course is exactly what religion teaches us not to do. Religion doesn’t want to expose the real truths behind our universe, instead it wants us to simply “have faith” or “believe” that some completely unprovable (i say unprovable, since no amount of evidence will ever convince some entrenched believers) being created everything and not only that, but takes an active interest and roll in our daily lives. When asked why such a being does so the answer will always be “because god works in mysterious ways”. What this really means is “we have no fucking idea, stop asking questions”.

Sorry, but I don’t buy that shit nor will I ever (until theres some evidence to back it up). I question all authority and with good reason, people lie. The right lies can mean big money for the one doing the lying. It’s no wonder the Catholic church has as much money as it does when there are so many people donating money to them in hopes that it will somehow secure them a place in that fantastic place called heaven. If they don’t pay homage, they go to straight hell where they spend an eternity suffering (sounds a lot like mafia protection money doesn’t it?).

In the past kings retained control over the peasants by controlling what they knew — this ignorance was the best means to stop any revolts. After all, why should the peasants toil all day in the fields, only to give away their crops to some asshole who sits on his ass all day if they knew that it didn’t have to be that way? All it would take is for someone to tell the peasants what’s really going on for them to realize they’re getting butt-fucked while someone else is living it up at their expense.

The funny part is, here we are, in an age of science and reason, yet here we are, still being controlled by the almighty. What could possibly be driving this self imposed restraint and stupidity? My best guess would be simply, the group mentality. People don’t have time to stop and critically think about concepts such as god, what with Britney Spears showing off her newly shaved crotch on network TV. Those however that do think about it come to the same conclusion I did, that it’s a steaming pile of shit. There are however those that come to the conclusion that god simply must exist. These people are just not looking at the facts; instead they get lost in some philosophical laalaa land while trying to grasp the notion of things like the universe. When they fail to fully understand it’s sheer size their minds suddenly slip into a default “gotta understand” mode where they say, “ok, i don’t get it, god musta done it”, and go on living their life entrenched in their belief, listening with def ears to any further evidence against god; all because they cannot comprehend it.

Personally, I don’t claim to know the precise way in which the universe was created (it’s a bit hard to prove with current technology), but saying “Oh, well if you don’t know, you probably wont ever know. My god theory, which I do know is clearly the answer!”, is not only wrong, it’s so wrong it brings me to an instant rage to hear people say it. When you do not know the answer to something you do not switch to default answer and which happens to be the first thing that comes to mind (fairies, ghosts, goblins.. or.. god). Instead you need to say “I DON’T FUCKING KNOW, lets keep looking for the answer”.

Religion is nothing but a dead end. You will never discover any answers in religion, the answer will always be the same, “God did it”. If that is what you’re looking for in life: “simple answers (lies) to all my questions”, then by all means, continue to believe and keep yourself sheltered away from the real world, convince yourself that god loves you and that he cares about you more than the next person.

Taking a step into the real world will take you in only one direction: the truth.

Dare to say it to yourself: “I Don’t Know“, it’ll probably be the most inspirational thing you’ll ever say to yourself. Once you do, you’ll realize the answer to your questions aren’t “god“.

Dawkins on Colbert

Now, I’m not in the habit of posting up youtube videos on here (everyone else does that, and it’s pretty boring).. but this is an exception. Colbert (the funniest comedian on TV right now) and Richard Dawkins.. too good. The only downside is that Colbert’s interviews are always so short and they barely got to talk at all.

Anyway, here’s the interview:

Pat Robertson: God Told Me I’m a Piece of Shit

Associated Press Writes Today:

VIRGINIA BEACH, Virginia (AP) — Evangelical broadcaster Pat Robertson said Tuesday that God has told him that a terrorist attack on the United States would cause a “mass killing” late in 2007.

“I’m not necessarily saying it’s going to be nuclear,” he said during his news-and-talk television show “The 700 Club” on the Christian Broadcasting Network.

“The Lord didn’t say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that.”

Robertson said God told him about the impending tragedy during a recent prayer retreat.

God also said, he claims, that major cities and possibly millions of people will be affected by the attack, which should take place sometime after September.

Pat Robertson A.K.A. SleazyBag Extreme

I guess god forgot to tell you what a piece of shit you are for lying and stealing from gullible fools who buy into your racist trash. Instead of telling others that they deserve to be assassinated, you should take a gun, shove it down your throat and fire off a few rounds. You’re a joke and no one wants to be associated with you, you delusional trashcan.


Robertson suggested in January 2006 that God punished then-Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon with a stroke for ceding Israeli-controlled land to the Palestinians.

The broadcaster predicted in January 2004 that President Bush would easily win re-election.

Bush won 51 percent of the vote that fall, beating Democratic Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts.

In 2005, Robertson predicted that Bush would have victory after victory in his second term. He said Social Security reform proposals would be approved and Bush would nominate conservative judges to federal courts.

Lawmakers confirmed Bush’s 2005 nominations of John Roberts and Samuel Alito to the Supreme Court. But the president’s Social Security initiative was stalled.

“I have a relatively good track record,” he said. “Sometimes I miss.”

In May, Robertson said God told him that storms and possibly a tsunami were to crash into America’s coastline in 2006.

Even though the U.S. was not hit with a tsunami, Robertson on Tuesday cited last spring’s heavy rains and flooding in New England as partly fulfilling the prediction.

The Holy Trinity

Ever had someone tell you that the bible doesn’t contradict it’self? Nows your chance to tell them they’re full of shit! Just take a look at this and use it against those dumbasses.
Fact: The Christian faith proclaims that there is but one true personal god.
Fact: The Christian faith believes this one true personal god is comprised of the “holy trinity” which is made up of:

  1. The Father (God)
  2. The Son (Jesus… A.K.A. God.. ?)
  3. The Holy Ghost (God.. again? Sounds spooOOooky though, doesn’t it?!)
    The Holy Trinity Question

    Let’s think about this for half a second and realize that the holy trinity is comprised of both a father and a son which are both apparently the same thing/guy/ghost. I don’t think it takes a genius to figure out that you cannot be your own father, nor can you be your own son, and be a ghost as well. Apparently the people who wrote the Bible didn’t actually think about what they we’re writing before they put it out to the masses.

    Here’s the official explanation, yup, they simply show us that they’re all the same person, but none of them are the other! AMAZING!!! Logic and reason need not apply!

    The Holy Trinity Explination

    Ask them how the hell this makes ANY sense at all; what’s the response going to be? “That’s because god is mysterious!”, a-fucking-mazing. Is it really a mystery or is it just logic defying stupidity? I’m leaning towards the latter and never get tired of pointing it out. But of course, the really stubborn will just shake their heads and tell you, “You just don’t get it! It’s God! He can do anything he wants!“.

    Alright, fair enough, he can do anything — question is, why the fuck would he? What in the fuck could he possibly gain by doing this? My guess? He doesn’t, it’s pure stupidity on the part of the writers of the bible who can’t count to three.