Christians Against FSM Launches New Campaign

Breaking News! According to the Christians Against FSM coalition, FSM has been touching children with his noodly appendage. This outrage must be stopped, we must find and kill the FSM before he molests more children (if we let FSM molest all the children, there wont be any left for Catholic priests). If you or someone you know has been “Touched” by the FSM, or are willing to lie about it, please call 1-800-FSM-RAPE now and tell us your slanderous story so we can bring this monster to justice (as we see it).

Flying Spaghetti Monster Helpline

On a lesser side note the Catholic Church has been spending millions of prayer money/charity donations on secret settlements with victims of priest-child rape cases and move the rapist-priests to other towns/states and told to ask for god’s forgiveness in order to makes sure those priests wont rape children again. God bless that pope, he knows how to make everything better.

Let’s all take a moment to stop and think of the victims and also think about the fact that the Catholic church is one of the worlds largest financial institutions that reports to no one since they have tax-exempt status and can spend the money aaaaany way they want, including covering up the rapes and molestations their heavenly priests are committing. After all, it’s no business of ours, it’s between the priest, god and the child who’s life they’ve ruined.