God’s Cure for Leprosy
Get two birds. Kill one. Dip the live bird in the blood of the dead one. Sprinkle the blood on the leper seven times, and then let the blood-soaked bird fly away. Next find a lamb and kill it. Wipe some of its blood on the patient’s right ear, thumb, and big toe. Sprinkle seven times with oil and wipe some of the oil on his right ear, thumb and big toe. Repeat. Finally find another pair of birds. Kill one and dip the live bird in the dead bird’s blood. Wipe some blood on the patient’s right ear, thumb, and big toe. Sprinkle the house with blood 7 times.
– Leviticus 14:2-52
Wednesday October 6th, 2010 @ 11:54pm
Sounds about right.
Wednesday October 6th, 2010 @ 11:59pm
They forgot to mention it has to be performed by a black jewish midget vegan high priestess lesbian.
Thursday October 7th, 2010 @ 5:22am
So to cure leprocy one needs to kill 3 animals and traumatise another 2? Seems reasonable.
How many lambs and doves does it take to cure aids?
Thursday October 7th, 2010 @ 4:17pm
I think leaving no homosexual behind alive would be a sure fire way of curing it.
No wonder those fundies know their science: AIDS comes from *just* the homos; those diseased apes that humans in Africa ate had *nothing* to do with this.
Gotta love that Jesus logic.
Friday October 8th, 2010 @ 9:43am
lmfao!
Friday October 8th, 2010 @ 8:23am
What? No one has ever tried this? I mean really, works wonders, even made a hangnail go away. Y’all haters hate, whatevs!
Friday October 8th, 2010 @ 6:19pm
In the interest of “fair play”, my sister is a Wiccan. She has lots of crazy things that HER “religion” dictates to cure things as well. Cure for warts- cut a potato in half using a silver knife. Burn half. Cut the wart with the silver knife, rub the remaingin half a potato on the cut. Bury the half a potato at the crossroads on a full moonlight night. Sounds about as crazy as this plan to cure lepers.
Friday October 8th, 2010 @ 6:25pm
The only part that is as crazy is the burying part, because who knows, maybe something in a potato can help warts?
Though I think we already know potatoes don’t do this, it’s still significantly more reasonable.
Monday October 11th, 2010 @ 11:29am
Reasonable, maybe. But you have to admit, it isn’t the sort of thing that crops up in modern medical journals as the latest and greatest cure. =)
Monday October 11th, 2010 @ 11:45am
Oh most certainly not. :P
Wednesday October 13th, 2010 @ 5:11pm
Actually, the recipe also involves scarlet yarn, water, cedar wood, a clay pot, hyssop, and lambs. And you have to do the laundry. It takes 8 days, at least. If you want to make fun of the scriptures, may as well not simplify it. I may not be describing the whole thing, but I didn’t start it. Just look it up.