Funny Stuff

Tom Cruise ‘Scientology second-in-command’

 Well, this about seals it for me. Tom Mapother is legitimately insane. He’s moved all the way up to second in command of the most retarded cult ever. Good job tommy boy.

Tom Cruise ‘Scientology second-in-command’

Tom Cruise has become the de-facto second-in-command of the Church of Scientology and is consulted on every aspect of the controversial group’s planning and policy, according to a new book by the royal biographer Andrew Morton.

The writer paints a disturbing picture of the extent to the Hollywood star’s life has been taken over by Scientology.

Morton claims that Cruise, 45, has long tailored his career and even his choice of romantic partners to furthering the organisation’s ends.

In return, the “church”, founded by the science fiction writer L Ron Hubbard, has come to rely so heavily on Cruise that he is now considered second in importance to its leader, David Miscavige.

Morton – who has written biographies of Diana, Princess of Wales, and the Beckhams – says that Mr Miscavige is so close to Cruise that he even joined him on his honeymoon in the Maldives after his marriage to Katie Holmes in 2006.

Just to highlight this poin (and hopefully piss off some of the nut case Scientologists, there’s about 55,000 Scientologists.. total, that’s pretty pathetic given how long Scientology’s been around.

‘Allah’ Copyright 2007 – No Non-Muslims May Use This Name

Hahahaha, this is hilarious.

Malaysian row over word for ‘God’

A church and Christian newspaper in Malaysia are suing the government after it decreed that the word “Allah” can only be used by Muslims.

In the Malay language “Allah” is used to mean any god, and Christians say they have used the term for centuries.

Opponents of the ban say it is unconstitutional and unreasonable.

It is the latest in a series of religious rows in largely Muslim Malaysia, where minority groups claim their rights are being eroded.

A spokesman for the Herald, the newspaper of the Catholic Church in Malaysia, said a legal suit was filed after they received repeated official warnings that the newspaper could have its licence revoked if it continued to use the word.

“We are of the view that we have the right to use the word ‘Allah’,” said editor Rev Lawrence Andrew.

P.S. Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah Allah. Allah Sucks. Eat it you douches.

Bible Ripping Day

Good news for once. A student who ripped pages out of a bible was not sent to Guantanamo Bay and tortured! Incredible. The kid sounds like something of an asshole, but the people who bitched and moaned about his actions are bigger assholes, so it pretty much balances out.

Classroom Incident Sparks First Amendment Debate

Some Janesville parents said that they’re concerned that in this incident, in which a student allegedly tore pages from a Bible, the balance between the two was tipped toward the First Amendment, WISC-TV reported.

As many Parker High School students get ready for Christmas break, junior Elle Jacobson is at home and will not be returning like her friends.

“I have never felt threatened like that in a classroom before,” said Jacobson.

The 17-year-old is talking about an incident in her English class two weeks ago during a class presentation.

“This boy got up and his visual aid was a Bible and a book. And he got up and started his speech by saying ‘Now, this piece of crap’ and pointed to the Bible.”

Jacobson said that she quickly felt threatened.

“He took the Bible and he said, ‘I’m going to do this because I can. I’m going to do something that your stupid, little minds aren’t going to be able to comprehend and he took the Bible and started ripping out pages.”

School officials said that they know about the incident.

“We take this extremely seriously,” said Dr. Karen Schulte, Janesville School District safety and security coordinator.

Officials said that they will not confirm whether the boy was suspended.

“We do an assessment of this situation and students involved to ensure the safety of every student and staff at that school,” said Schulte.

Officials said that ripping up a Bible is constitutionally protected, adding the punishment has nothing to do with the student’s Freedom of Speech demonstration.

“Any actions that were taken in this case were because of behavior separate from the Bible,” said Parker High Principal Dale Carlson.

Some parents said that they disagree with the school’s reaction.

“The school worries about his right to privacy and to free speech that to teachers’ rights or the students’ right to safety,” said Paul Jacobson, Elle’s father.

He said that he’s pulling his two high school daughters out of Parker High.

“It’s not about free speech. It’s not about necessarily about the Bible although that was disgusting, too. This is about the vicious, vile manner in the way this kid went about this and tried to make some kind of point,” he said.

Elle Jacobson’s parents are looking for another school for their daughters.

Parker High School officials aren’t saying whether the student who sparked the controversy is back at school.

In a separate incident, following the punishment, three Parker High Students wore T-shirts asking for the student in question to be brought back after a punishment was levied against him. School officials made those students change clothes.

Priests brawl at Jesus’ birthplace

Christmas is a time where we can all come together and express our love for one another, alternatively, it can be a time where retarded religious feuds are fueled.

Priests brawl at Jesus’ birthplace

BETHLEHEM, West Bank (AP) — Greek Orthodox and Armenian priests attacked each other with brooms and stones inside the Church of the Nativity as long-standing rivalries erupted in violence during holiday cleaning on Thursday.

The basilica, built over the grotto in Bethlehem where Christians believe Jesus was born, is administered jointly by Roman Catholic, Greek Orthodox and Armenian Apostolic authorities.

Any perceived encroachment on one group’s turf can touch off vicious feuds.

On Thursday, dozens of priests and cleaners were scrubbing the church ahead of the Armenian and Orthodox Christmas, celebrated in early January. Thousands of tourists visited the church this week for Christmas celebrations.

But the clean-up turned ugly after some of the Orthodox faithful stepped inside the Armenian church’s section, touching off a scuffle between about 50 Greek Orthodox and 30 Armenians.

Palestinian police, armed with batons and shields, quickly formed a human cordon to separate the two sides so the cleaning could continue, then ordered an Associated Press photographer out of the church.

Four people, some with blood running from their faces, were slightly wounded.

80-year-old Megachurch leader slept with brother’s wife, fathered her child

 Commentary no longer needed.

80-year-old Georgia man slept with brother’s wife, fathered her child

DECATUR, Ga. – The 80-year-old leader of a suburban Atlanta megachurch is at the center of a sex scandal of biblical dimensions: He slept with his brother’s wife and fathered a child by her.

Members of Archbishop Earl Paulk’s family stood at the pulpit of the Cathedral of the Holy Spirit at Chapel Hill Harvester Church a few Sundays ago and revealed the secret exposed by a recent court-ordered paternity test.

In truth, this is not the first — or even the second — sex scandal to engulf Paulk and the independent, charismatic church. But this time, he could be in trouble with the law for lying under oath about the affair.

Huckabee Fun Forum!

If you’re looking to kill some time and have some fun, you should totally sign up at this Huckabee grassroots webforum.

Tons of fundie nutjobs on there making hilarious comments like this:

 If someone votes for someone other than Mr. Huckabee, are they going to hell?

I believe so.  Huckabee is God’s candidate, and his miraculous rise in the polls over the past month show that there is divine intervention at work.  So that goes to show that going against God’s divine will is a sin, as exampled by the disobedience of Eve, is blasphemy against Our Lord and Savious Jesus Christ and His Father above, then they will commit a sin greater than any other.

Do you think they will burn in the fiery pits of hell For Ever and Ever for not casting their vote for Mr. Huckabee?  If not, why?