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Apocalypse not right now: ‘Rapture’ end of world fails to materialise

Apocalypse not right now: ‘Rapture’ end of world fails to materialise

Inhabitants of New Zealand, scheduled to be among the first to meet the apocalypse according to a US fundamentalist preacher, this morning confirmed they were still in existence as the appointed time was reached in their time zone.

There were also unconfirmed reports that Tonga has, thus far, failed to boil into the Pacific.

Eighty-nine-year-old tele-evangelist Harold Camping had prophesied that the “Rapture” would begin with powerful earthquakes at 6pm in each of the world’s regions, after which the good would be beamed up to heaven.

This morning, Kiwis confirmed there were no signs of the dead rising from the grave, nor of the living ascending into the clouds to meet Jesus Christ.

Twitter users were disappointed by the absence of Armaggedon.

Daniel Boerman said on Twitter, the micro-blogging website: “I’m from New Zealand, it is 6.06pm, the world has NOT ended. No earthquakes here, all waiting for the Rapture can relax for now.”

Gavin Middleton wrote: “Well it’s 13 minutes past the Rapture here in New Zealand. I’m still holding out hope for the trumpet call and the firey rain…”

Similarly, on the Pacific islands whose clocks ticked over to 6pm before the fateful hour hit New Zealand, there was no evidence of a “super horror story” predicted by Camping – no zombies, no true believers hurtling skywards, no arch-angels and no trumpeters.

A post on Godlike Productions, a website dedicated to conspiracy theories and UFOs, reported that Tonga, which reached 6pm one hour before New Zealand, was “still on the map”.

Likewise, no reports of chaos were heard from Christmas Island in Kiribati, where the super-earthquake was set to hit first.

Two minor earthquakes did hit the Pacific earlier in the day, measuring 3.1 and 4.8 and not triggering any tsunami warnings, but earthquakes of that magnitude are a regular occurrence in the region.

Vicky Hyde, spokesman for the New Zealand Skeptic Society said she was confident the Rapture was not imminent.

“These kind of predictions come up particularly in times of economic or social uncertainty – which is pretty much almost every year actually, you can track them, whether it’s commentary impacts or the rapture or giant space aliens or something.

“And the only thing they have in common is they are all wrong,” she said.

Camping spread his message of doom via Family Radio, which has a network of 66 radio stations and online broadcasts.

After today’s day of reckoning, he said non-believers would suffer through hell on earth until October 21, when God would pull the plug on the planet once and for all.

But after incorrectly predicting the end of the world in 1994, Camping’s prophecies have been met with derision. And it seems this time he was wrong again.

New York mayor Michael Bloomberg – who is Jewish and, according to Camping’s prophecy, therefore unlikely to be beamed up to sit alongside Jesus in heaven – said on his weekly radio show yesterday that he would partially suspend parking restrictions in New York if the world ended today.

David Speer, on Twitter, said: “Oh well no rapture. Just as well. New Zealand didn’t need that right now. Another delay to the filming of The Hobbit would’ve been terrible.”

“Facts” about May 21, 2011

“Facts” about May 21, 2011

FACTS about May 21, 2011

AT THIS TIME IN HISTORY THERE IS NO VALID, BIBLICAL EVIDENCE OR AUTHORITY WHICH INDICATES THAT WE CANNOT KNOW THE PRECISE DAY OF JUDGMENT. THE GREAT AMOUNT OF BIBLICAL SIGNS AND PROOFS ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEE THAT JUDGMENT DAY WILL BEGIN ON MAY 21st THIS YEAR.

 

Who or What is Family Radio?

Family Stations, Inc. is a non-profit, non-commercial, Christian radio network. It was established in 1958 with one FM station in the San Francisco bay area. Mr. Camping along with two other Christian men purchased KEAR with the sole intent of proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Today there are sixty-six owned and operated radio stations throughout the U.S.

Along with these domestic stations Family Stations also broadcasts its programming from numerous international broadcast facilities throughout the world.

 

Who is Harold Camping?

Harold Camping is the President and General Manager of Family Stations, Inc. He graduated from UC Berkeley in 1942 with a degree in civil engineering. Mr. Camping has been a full-time volunteer since Family Radio’s infancy and has never received compensation for his service.

 

What Qualifies Mr. Camping to make the pronouncement of May 21, 2011?

Mr. Camping has been a tireless student of the Bible for over five decades. The tens of thousands of hours he has spent analyzing the Bible has given him a unique perspective of the entirety of Scripture. He has dedicated his life to prepare himself to answer questions raised concerning God’s Word to man.

 

What is the Open Forum program?

What began approximately fifty years ago as simply an informational program for local bay area listeners, blossomed into what is known today as the Open Forum.

The Open Forum program airs Monday through Friday evenings by radio, shortwave, and the Internet. It is an anonymous call-in program designed to allow anyone to ask any question related to the Bible.

 

How can Family Radio be so bold as to declare a date for Christ’s return?

Given the overwhelming biblical evidence, the Family Stations, Inc. Board of Directors made a determination to dedicate all available resources to proclaim the warning of May 21, 2011. God has prepared Family Radio for this important time in history. Given the population of the world, radio and the internet are the perfect vehicles to deliver this warning.

 

What proof is there for the date of May 21, 2011?

The date May 21, 2011 was derived solely from evidence found in the Bible. Mr. Camping saw God had placed, in Scripture, many important signs and proofs. These proofs alert believers that May 21st of 2011 is the date Christ will return for His people and begin a period of the final destruction of the world.

 

What signs precede the Day of Judgment?

Jesus warned of several spiritual signs, such as the complete degradation of the Christian church, the devastating moral breakdown of society, the re-establishment of National Israel in1948, the emergence of the ‘Gay Pride Movement’, and the complete disregard of the Bible in all of society today as direct evidence of His return.

 

What is the Timeline of History?

The timeline of history is God’s predetermined timetable for the unfolding of God’s Gospel program for this world. In other words the length of time between the day God created this world in 11,013 B.C. and the day he will destroy it in October 21, 2011.

The discovery of this information built the foundation for what God would later reveal from the Bible as the date for the end.

Judgment Day on May 21, 2011 is the culmination of five decades of intensive biblical study by Mr. Camping and other bible teachers who have discovered the same biblical data.

 

What do past Biblical events have to do with today?

The precision with which God marked time in the past shows how precisely He keeps time and orders all the events of man.

God uses such phrases in the Bible as “in the fullness of time”, or “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”

God declares in the Bible that “He hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation”

Just as all Biblical events took place exactly as God determined, so too will all future events take place as He has planned.

God knew before He created this world the exact day He would destroy it, the question is whether God reveals His plan to others.

 

Does God reveal his plan?

Yes! All true believers throughout the world are part of Christ’s family and therefore they not only belong to Jesus Christ, but they are one with Him as well.

Jesus calls His people His “friends” and “His beloved”

Jesus tells His “beloved” what He and His Father will do before They do it. Only, true believers are given spiritual eyesight to see and understand that they may be ready and prepared for the day of Christ’s return.

All those who are not “born again” do not possess the spiritual eyesight to see this evidence. Sadly, Christ will come upon them as a “thief in the night”.

Jesus speaks to his people through the pages of His word, the Bible.

His Spirit guides them “into all truth.”

“Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

God is the guardian of His secrets contained in the Bible and only He determines when or if His secrets are revealed. The Holy Spirit reveals to Christ’s people the information needful for them not only to be ready, but also to warn the world, Christ is returning.

Armed with the vital information needed to know the day of Christ’s return all true believers, as servants of God, are commanded to declare what Christ’s Spirit has revealed. They must “blow the trumpet” and warn the world, Judgment is coming.

 

Can all of mankind understand that Judgment Day is coming?

Just as wise men of old sought to see the young Jesus, so too will the wise of today seek Christ before the end. “a wise man’s heart (one who is born again) discerneth both time and judgment.”

God promises His people they will be like Noah who was aware and ready for the day when the floodwaters of destruction came upon this earth.

 

What will take place on May 21?

On May 21, 2011 two events will occur. These events could not be more opposite in nature, the one more wonderful than can be imagined; the other more horrific than can be imagined.

A great earthquake will occur the Bible describes it as “such as was not since men were upon the earth, so mighty an earthquake, and so great.” This earthquake will be so powerful it will throw open all graves. The remains of the all the believers who have ever lived will be instantly transformed into glorified spiritual bodies to be forever with God.

 

On the other hand the bodies of all unsaved people will be thrown out upon the ground to be shamed.

The inhabitants who survive this terrible earthquake will exist in a world of horror and chaos beyond description. Each day people will die until October 21, 2011 when God will completely destroy this earth and its surviving inhabitants.

 

What is Family Radio specifically doing to warn the World?

Family Stations, Inc. broadcasts internationally in more than sixty-one different languages. Its programming can also be seen and heard worldwide on the Internet. Numerous billboards have been placed throughout the world warning of Judgment Day. While teams of volunteers carry literature concerning May 21 to many foreign countries. On top of this teams of RV caravans have been sent throughout the US to deliver this great message.

 

Why RV Caravans?

In September of 2010 Family Radio developed a plan to send out teams of caravans consisting of recreational vehicles. The caravans travel into towns and cities across the United States warning of Judgment Day, May 21, 2011. Each member of the caravan project is a volunteer, who has dedicated his or her life to warn the people of the U.S. and boldly proclaim this very important message.

 

Is Family Radio the only group declaring this message?

No! There are many other groups and individuals, sending out the warning of May 21, 2011. A growing groundswell of individuals and groups have become convicted of this message on each continent and are working hard to warn their neighbors, cities and countries.

 

Why Billboards?

Billboards have proven to be very effective. They are being placed in many U.S., Canadian and foreign cities, not only by Family Radio, but other organizations and individuals as well. Presently there are over 2000 billboards, posters, and bus posters throughout the world, with many going up weekly. The billboard messages are simple, and designed to clearly communicate the same message, Judgment Day May 21, 2011.

 

What are the listeners of Family Radio doing to prepare for that day?

Jesus gave explicit commands to His people as to how they are to behave until he returns. Jesus said “Go ye and teach all nations…” He also said to “occupy until I come.” Believers who believe Christ will return on May 21 are commanded to warn the world and encourage concerned people to pray for God’s mercy.

 

Will there be some sort of “gathering” before May 21, 2011?

No. This message is proclaimed to individuals not to specific groups, religions or nations. Family Radio is not a church or religion.

Each person must be “born again” in order to be ready for Christ’s return and be ready to be “caught up” wherever they live in this world.

Jesus said in Matthew 24:40-41 “Then shall two be in the field: the one shall be taken, and the other left. Two women shall be grinding at the mill; the one shall be taken, and the other left”

 

What if May 21 ends and nothing occurs?

The Biblical evidence is too overwhelming and specific to be wrong. Christ’s people can look with great confidence to this date because God promises His “beloved” He will not come upon them as a thief in the night.

God in His mercy has revealed the vital information needed to know the day. Judgment Day on May 21, 2011 will occur because the bible declares it. Anyone whom God has not saved will arrive at that day with no hope for salvation. God warns simply the “door will be shut.”

 

What should a person do when he or she hears this message?

Cry out to God for mercy and fully recognize you are a sinner. One must approach God with a broken and contrite attitude, because after all every human being, without exception, is guilty before God.

Only God decides whom He will save and it is only Christ’s ‘gift’ of salvation that can save one from destruction and the terrible events coming upon this world on May 21, 2011.

 

What do we say to all those who say Jesus will come as a thief in the night?

The Bible speaks of two kinds of people in the world. Those within God’s kingdom he calls his “beloved.” The other, much larger portion of the human race, God describes as those “without” or outside the kingdom of God.

Those “without” will say at the end of time “Peace and safety” These people will mistakenly believe all is well. But God warns, “then sudden destruction cometh upon them…”

The fact so many church leaders are insisting Christ will come as a “thief in the night” (that is, no one can know the day or the hour) is another very important Biblical ‘sign’ Christ’s return is very close. Far too many people mistakenly presume they are at “Peace” with God and therefore in “safety.

Sadly, many assume no human being can know, because they mistakenly believe even Jesus himself does not know the day or hour of His own return.

The belief Christ will come “as a thief in the night” for everyone, including Christ’s people, is the foundational basis for which most Christians, including church leaders and pastors reject May 21, 2011.

However, God has written in His Word he will tell his people exactly what he plans before he brings it to pass:

“Surely the LORD GOD will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets.”

God’s “beloved” people are not in darkness that that day would come upon them as a thief in the night. God graciously has written in I Thessalonians 5 verse 4

“But ye, brethren, are not in darkness, that that day should overtake you as a thief.”


What about all those in the past who predicted Jesus would come in their day?

Many religious groups and individuals throughout history have predicted Jesus’ return, but they were always wrong. No theologian, no matter how learned or intelligent, could know the day because God had not revealed it. The scriptural evidence needed to know the exact day could not be known before 1988, the year the ‘Church age’ ended. The Bible indicates prior to this year that date could not be known.

Many Church leaders of the past looked at political as well as natural events to prove their predictions and they were repeatedly wrong.

God is the guardian of His secrets. The words needed to know the time of the end are closed up and sealed till the time of the end”

Only Christ Jesus, the “Lamb,” is able to unseal the Bible, and reveal what is needful to know the day and the hour of His return.

 

Didn’t Harold Camping say that the world would end in 1994?

In 1992 Mr. Camping wrote a book entitled 1994? In that book Mr. Camping highlighted the abundant evidence pointing to 1994 as a probable year of Christ’s return. Given the abundance of information pointing 1994 and the urgency of time, the book 1994? was written. Mr. Camping felt as a teacher, he must share the Biblical information he had found and warn the world.

Important subsequent biblical information was not yet known, so this book was incomplete. Mr. Camping warned there may be something he overlooked therefore the question mark was prominently placed on the title.

Mr. Camping wrote on pages 494 and 495 of the book 1994? he believed 2011 was the most probable year of Christ’s second coming. Given the fact 2011 is the 7000 year anniversary of the flood, but he misunderstood Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 24 verse 22 “except those days should be shortened”

At the time Mr. Camping concluded the period of “great tribulation” would be shortened from twenty three years, as the Bible teaches, to 2300 evening mornings or six and one third years. .

Mr. Camping wrote in 1994?:

“God appears to be declaring that this final tribulation period should be a certain length of time. If it were that length of time, it seems it would fit perfectly with God’s plan of 7000 years. Judgment Day would be 2011 A.D.

But for the sake of the elect those day will be shortened.”

 

Why is there no question now?

In the nineteen years since 1994? Was written the biblical evidence for 2011 has greatly solidified. Today there is no longer any question, May 21, 2011 is the day in which Jesus Christ will return.

 

What do you say to those who insist we cannot know the precise date of Judgment Day?

For one to object to May 21st, 2011 one must have BIBLICAL AUTHORITY to do so. Objections cannot be based upon consensus, traditions or fear. God has given far too many biblical proofs for anyone to disregard May 21 simply because he or she does not like it.

 

The Bible has led us to May 21, 2011

This date is not the product of the mind of one man or a group of men.

It is the culmination of study of the entire Bible, both the Old and New Testaments.

Every word written in the original Biblical “autographs” were dictated by God, therefore all words, numbers and sentences in these original writings are to be trusted as coming from God.

The fact that this date is the result of the synthesis of all of Scripture causes May 21st, 2011 to take on very sobering factuality. It is no longer opinion, but a matter of fact.

May 21, 2011 is God’s date. All other predictions are man’s attempt to predict the end. So it becomes a matter of eternal life, or eternal death. One can no longer presume May 21st of this year will be just another normal day.

Each person must come to entrust their lives to what God has written in His Word the Bible and plead to Him for mercy. Otherwise God will come upon them with unmerciful vengeance on May 21, 2011.

How to Be a Fundamentalist

How to Be a Fundamentalist

Introduction

So you want to be a Fundamentalist. It’s not easy, you know: you’ll have to impose the stiffest constraints on your mind, accepting authority without question — you will be subject to jeers and persecutions at the hands of the Spawn of Satan, and you will suffer during your entire lifetime trying to throw pearls before the swine. But in the end, you will receive your reward from the Almighty in Heaven, and you will have the satisfaction of seeing all others being tossed into the Lake of Fire. But enough of that; you’re not there yet. You must first prove yourself worthy of being a Fundamentalist.

Lesson One: Developing Your Psyche

Right now I would like you to relax. That’s it — just sit quietly and let your mind go blank. Concentrate on one thing and one thing only: concentrate on your thumb. Now that thumb is no ordinary run-of-the-mill thumb: what you see is THE THUMB. That Thumb is your world. Nothing besides that Thumb concerns you in the least. As far as you are concerned, that Thumb rules over all. The only thing that should be in your mind right now is your Thumb and its absolute authority over your life. Each and every line, ridge, wrinkle, and bit of cuticle is a Divine Mandate, eternal in its wisdom, power, and relevance. That Thumb was made by GOD, and its sole purpose is to guide you to your Salvation.Now, while still concentrating on that Thumb, begin to think about the world around you. Careful! Don’t try to take in everything at once: start with the rest of your fingers, and slowly spread from there. See how your fingers are connected with and dominated by your Thumb. Now, slowly extend your perception to embrace the entire world and everyone in it. The whole world and everyone in it was created by God, and it is all guided by the Thumb.

Pay no attention that there are a lot of thumbs in the world. Your Thumb is THE HOLY THUMB, and was especially given to you by God so that you can use it to guide your life and the lives of others. Remember this: the thumbs of other people are not fit to guide their lives. Those thumbs are heathen thumbs, and those who live by them are Spawn of Satan and are an insult to the One and Only True God who created your Almighty Thumb just for you.

Now let me ask you this: do you feel superior to the Spawn of Satan? Do you feel obligated to show them the light by running their lives for them through the Divine inspiration of your Thumb? Do you have absolute and utter faith in the inviolable authority invested by God in your Thumb? If you answered “yes” to all of these questions, then you are ready to go on to Lesson Two.

Lesson Two: Establishing Your Doctrine

Congratulations! You’ve come a long way, but you’re not there yet. What I want you to do now is to go to the nearest Christian book store and purchase a copy of the Bible. Preferably, it should be bound in nice, shiny black leather, and should have gilt edges and a red silk ribbon. It should of course be the King James Bible, which is the only Bible written in the true tongue of God (remember: all other versions are Satanic attempts to pervert the True Word of the Lord). It should be fairly hefty in size, but not so large that you cannot hold it with one hand. Finally, it should have the words of Jesus in red letters, for as you know the Son of God only spoke using red letters.Now that you have your Bible, read it, and read it thoroughly. I imagine that some of it will fit in perfectly with your beliefs and morals, since you have been inspired by God to attempt this indoctrination into Fundamentalism. Remember that the more strict and conservative your beliefs, the better: it’s difficult to keep your mind shut to new ideas, but to be a Fundamentalist you must keep your mind clean and unsullied by ideas which could threaten your beliefs. You must remember that your beliefs are the ONLY right beliefs, and all others are falsehoods and are totally incompatible with God’s Divine Truth.

Now you may be dismayed as you read through the Bible to find that much of it is outside your beliefs, or may even contradict them. No problem! All you have to do is take a black marker pen and blot out those verses which you don’t like. Simplicity itself! Now don’t you worry if it seems that more of the Bible is blacked out than left behind: just remind yourself that the remaining verses are emphasized all the more.

Remember that the Bible represents YOUR doctrine, and is the Divine statement of your beliefs. It wouldn’t do for it to say something which contradicted your beliefs. That would be silly! Besides, nobody is actually going to see INSIDE your Bible. You can wave it in front of people, quote from it, shove it under their noses, hit it with your fist, and even use it as a weapon, but for Heaven’s sake don’t let anyone READ it!

Now that your doctrine has been established, I would like for you to repeat Lesson One, substituting “Bible” for “Thumb.”

Have you done it?

No fair cheating!

Now: do you believe that your Bible is the utter, absolute, and inviolable law of the universe, coming to you directly from God, and that it is your Divine mission to live by your Bible and to feel superior to those fools who don’t listen to you and who are guaranteed to burn in Hell?

Yes?

Congratulations! You are now officially a Fundamentalist!

Lesson Three: Living a Fundamentalist Lifestyle

Well, I’m sure that you novices are simply bursting with questions on how to apply your new-found faith to your lives. I am pleased by your enthusiasm: such zeal is a necessity if you want to begin to work your influence on this filthy and sinful world and mold it into a clean and upright one. Those Spawn of Satan are simply itching to be preached at, whether they want it or not, so let’s get cracking and Save those Souls (even though they don’t deserve it)!First of all, let’s work on personal appearance: to be moral and upright you must look the part. If you’re a man, you must keep your hair short and well-groomed, your face clean-shaven (a beard or moustache is acceptable ONLY if it is IMMACULATELY trimmed), your teeth clean and white, your breath minty-fresh, and your wardrobe strict and unassuming: slacks, tie, and white shirt (preferably long-sleeved so you can roll them up while witnessing) are the clothes of a God-fearing man, and NOTHING else. If you’re a woman, you must keep your hair neat and pinned up, your face only slightly made up (only heathens paint their faces), your figure neat and trim (a too-full figure is a dead giveaway for a shameless slut of Satan), and your wardrobe moral and proper: a dress (preferably dark or neutral colored, no plunging lines) is the ONLY proper garment for a God-fearing woman.

I imagine that you’re ready to ask me “Now that I know how to dress, how do I act?” That is a very good question to ask, and a somewhat difficult one to answer. Essentially you must follow your Doctrine which is in the Bible, but not TOO closely. You are the wielder of the Almighty Bible, and because of that you are ALREADY Saved, and are concerned more with the conduct of others so that they may also be Saved.

Let’s get into some concrete examples. Playboy is a magazine of Satan, and anyone who reads it is in danger of Damnation — anyone, that is, except you. For you know the ways of Satan, and are familiar with his traps, and you are always vigilant against his foul schemes, and thus you must scan his works constantly so that you may point out their atrocity to others. The same principle also applies to X-rated films, dancing halls, taverns, and brothels. [Note: this applies only to men. Women must stay home and support their husbands, and under no circumstances are they allowed to rest their innocent gaze upon profane situations (unless they happen to be checking up on their neighbors in the name of God and decency).]

Now we get to raising a family. You of course know that you are to raise your children properly and morally, and thus they must never be exposed to anything which is the product of Satan, including comic books (unless they are CHRISTIAN comic books), TV programs (unless they are CHRISTIAN TV programs), heavy metal rock music (there is NO such thing as CHRISTIAN heavy metal rock music), evolution (which is possibly the deepest imaginable insult to the intelligence of God), sex education (you can teach them about moral behavior yourself and at the same time protect their innocent yet corruptible ears from any mention of s-e-x), globalism (God wants us to DESTROY Communism, not cooperate with it), and equal rights (if God had wanted us to be equal, He would never have created women). As for religious education, I am sure you realize that women and children cannot properly develop their own religious faith — it must be given to them from a higher source: their husbands and parents.

Now we get to the gist of your faith and the justification for your life: the teaching and conversion of others (through guiding their lives for them). It is absolutely essential that you remember from Lesson One that only YOU are fit to guide your life AND the lives of others. All other people cannot in their ignorance of The Way live their own lives properly unless they can see the Light and receive the Salvation of God and Jesus which ONLY YOU may bring to them. Your Way is THE WAY, and all other paths lead to Satan and eternal Damnation, and it is YOUR Duty to show The Way to others so that they may enter (behind you) into Heaven.

Let’s look again at a concrete example: art and literature. Only YOU can say what is moral and upstanding in art and literature and what is not. Any work of “art” or “literature” which you feel is profane, blasphemous, or otherwise immoral is instantly the product of Satan and it is YOUR responsibility to make sure that its ugly blot upon the moral fibre of the Wonderful God-fearing Land of the Free is wiped out utterly so that our Glorious Nation may Shine Out as a Star of Righteousness amidst the Black Cloud of Satanic Communist Corruption which Blankets the World.

Well! Your heart must simply be bursting with Pride, Patriotism, and Love for God right now! And I’d bet that right now you’d rally behind a Leader who believes in the same things that you do. You guessed it: your next step is to find a religious Leader whose beliefs are YOUR beliefs, and who knows that YOUR way is HIS Way and that YOUR Way is THE Way to Salvation. Once you get behind that Leader, life becomes simpler. He knows YOUR beliefs, and thus if you ever feel any doubts about how to run your life, HE can make your decisions for you. All you have to do to insure your fidelity to him and to God is to follow him without question, and to give him as much money as you can so that he may bring the Way of the Lord to everyone in the World.

Remember that Fundamentalists have to stick together and rally under a Leader, for in numbers is Power, and in Power is the ability to change the World for the better. So remember that though YOU are the instrument of God through the guidance of your Bible, you also have the responsibility to make sure that your influence is felt, and the best way to do that is to join up with those who have CLOUT, so you can fulfill your wildest dreams: ban books and movies, ban abortion, enforce prayer in school, establish a national religion, create a national moral and dress code, and more! With the proper Leader, all this can be in your grasp.

Well now, I’d say that you’re just about ready to go out into the world and begin your career as a Fundamentalist. But not quite yet: you must first prepare yourself to face the opposition.

Lesson Four: How to Overcome the Spawn of Satan

As you preach The Way to others, you will inevitably run into those who not only doubt the veracity of your words, but who also pose trick arguments inspired by Satan in an attempt to trap and discredit you. This lesson deals with some of the major swords wielded by various tempters, and gives you some ideas on how to parry those weapons.Biblical scholars: these vermin use their high-falootin’ technical jargon and book-learning to pervert the words of the Lord and read things into the Bible which aren’t there. The Bible was written by God for YOU to use, and contains EVERYTHING you need to know for Salvation, plainly stated in black and white and red. There is nothing archaic or mystical about it: it speaks out in the Words of the Lord and speaks directly to YOU.

If the scholars say that the Bible evolved (note the use of heretical words) over a period of millennia, changing and altering from one translation to another, you can reply that the WORD OF GOD TO MAN is immutable, and speaks out exactly the same way today as it did to Moses. If they say that the historical and cultural context was completely different then, you can reply that MAN IS MAN and has not changed his sinful ways since Adam. If they say that you completely misunderstand the situations behind the composition of the Bible, you can reply that THEY completely misunderstand the situations behind the composition of the Bible. And if they say that they can prove their point because of years of scholarly and scientific research studying the Bible and its history, you can reply that the only true scholarship is FAITH and TRUST in the WORD of the LORD.

Scientists: these unfortunate heathen have strayed from the path to Heaven, ensnared by the trickeries of Satan, believing in them utterly. As a result, they cannot accept the eternal Truth contained in the Bible. You must tell them that God is perfect, and the Word of God is therefore perfect, and cannot contain falsehood. Therefore anything which is in your Bible is the absolute Truth.

If the scientists say that they have amassed countless evidence to support their atheistic theories, you can reply that their evidence was given to them by Satan to trick them into disbelieving in God. If they say that the processes which shaped the Earth can still be seen happening right now, you can reply that Satan is still working right now to deceive those who cannot comprehend the Truth which is in your Bible. And if they say that the Bible is not completely factual, but is rather mythical in many places, you can reply that they simply do not understand that God speaks not in mysterious ways, but speaks directly to Man through your Bible, and speaks not in riddles or symbols, but only speaks the absolute and utter Truth.

If other Spawn of Satan say that the Bible cannot speak the utter Truth because it is inconsistent in what it says, you can reply that there is no inconsistency in your Bible: everything that you have in your Bible perfectly supports your beliefs (remember Lesson Two). If they quote passages from the Bible which they claim contradict your beliefs, you can reply that Satan has inspired them to pervert the words of the Lord and to twist their meaning around in order to try to subvert the Truth. If they say that you are being totally ignorant and irrational in your absolute belief in your Doctrine, you can reply that they are being totally ignorant and irrational in their absolute refusal to believe in your Doctrine. And if they say that you are shutting your eyes to reality, you can reply that they are shutting their eyes to God.

There now! Isn’t that easy?

All you have to do to counter their arguments is to turn their arguments against them. In fact, you should easily be able to defeat the arguments of a wide variety of heretics, such as Theologists, Democrats, Liberals, Peaceniks, Environmentalists, and Humanists. And you don’t need a fancy scientific vocabulary to do it! If you keep your mind on the straight and narrow path, God (and/or your Leader) will do your thinking for you. And if things turn against you, all you have to do is proclaim the Truth even louder, letting your Zeal and Faith drown out all unbelievers, and causing the weakened opposition to crumble under the force of your Inspiration.

That’s about all that I have to give to you. I hope that these lessons were informative and helpful toward your long and difficult quest toward Fundamental Salvation. From now on, it’s up to you (and your Leader) to show The Way which leads you and your flock to Eternal Life.

May God bless you, and give you the Power to glorify His works in preparation for His Coming. Amen.

Dear Christian, I am an atheist…

An interesting article I found.

Dear Christian, I am an atheist…

By Alegria —

Dear Christian,

I am an atheist, that is, from Greek, ‘a-theos’, meaning, ‘without a God’. I do not believe in your God, nor do I believe in the Son/Younger God, or the Holy Spirit/Deceased God(?). I do not believe in Hell, nor do I believe in Heaven. So I ask you, why can’t you put forward a nice argument for believing in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit without resorting to ‘but you’ll burn in Hell’ and ‘but you won’t go to Heaven’. I repeat, I do not believe in these two metaphysical places and therefore threatening me with eternal damnation is like threatening a mature, intelligent, grown man by telling him that Santa won’t bring him presents.

Furthermore; your continued attempts to tell me that ‘atheism is a religion’ are laughable at best, weepable at worst. Can you remember what ‘atheism’ meant, that’s right; ‘without a God’, from Greek ‘a-theos’. This simply means I don’t believe in a God, an Allah, a Yahweh, or an entire menagerie of Gods and Goddesses. It implies no other beliefs apart from that one. Atheism is a word created simply to define lack of belief in a God, just as bald is a word created simply to define lack of hair on the head. To put it as someone whom I can’t remember said, ‘saying that atheism is a religion is like saying that bald is a hair colour’. Just as ’empty’ is a word created to explain the absence of, well, anything, atheism is a word created to explain the absence of belief in God. Empty isn’t a thing, a place can’t be ‘full of empty’, (unless you’re trying to be poetic, silly, or are genuinely stupid), so is atheism not a religion.

Well I think we’ve made progress, my dear Christian. But we’re not finished yet. Your kind but ridiculous talk of how, ‘you respect my atheism but why don’t I just leave Christianity alone since it’s not doing anything to me’ is next on my little waltz through your arguments.

you know what I hate most about your – loving – religion? I hate it because it demeans Humanity. Why can’t I just leave Christians alone since they aren’t doing anything to me? Well, I’m surprised this is even a question. I will leave Christianity alone when it stops telling people that they’re worthless, that they must be show the ‘love’ of God; I will leave Christianity alone when it stops coming round my neighbourhood, knocking on my door and telling me I must repent, that I am a sinful wicked person because I dare to think for myself and not donate to the upkeep of big useless churches, I will leave Christianity alone when I am no longer demanded to ‘respect’ it and other religions, all while they preach that homosexuals are abominations and must be killed, that non-believers must be shown the light or else, that any non-believer who doesn’t repent will suffer eternal torture at the hands of a loving Father; I will leave Christianity alone when it stops claiming to have a monopoly on morality, saying that people cannot be good without religion, and, even despite this monopoly on ‘morality’, still preaches hatred towards gays, unequal rights towards women, and non-believers, I would argue that Christians are less moral that most, since they require an incentive to be kind, in this case, Heaven.

But you want to know why I hate Christianity, dear Christian? You want to know why I loathe your ‘religion of love’? I hate it because it has started some of the deadliest conflicts in history; the Crusades, the Huguenot Wars, the French Wars of Religion, the Taiping Rebellion, the Thirty Years War. I hate your religion because it tells us that any of the billions of Humans in the past who didn’t believe in God are burning in Hell, even if they lived in the most remote jungle village and had no way of even knowing about God. I hate your religion because it claims that people like me are evil and incapable of kindness, and then goes and spends millions on mega-churches rather than aiding the poor and starving. I hate your religion because it keeps society back, because it stifles creativity and holds back science due to its archaic laws. I hate your religion because you claim God answered your prayer to let there be beef on the menu at lunch today, while on the news we hear of mass-starvation in Africa, or that a plane has crashed and everyone died, or that a man has shot several people dead, and yet God is loving because beef was on your pathetic menu for lunch; where were their prayers? Being ignored so you could have your beef, no doubt.

But you know what I hate most about your – loving – religion? I hate it because it demeans Humanity. I hate it because it claims that Humanity is nothing unless worshipping and serving God in some way. I hate it because it treats people as nothing but God’s possessions. I hate it because it insists that we are nothing but a slave-race, destined to pander to the whims of a certifiably megalomaniacal, angry, vengeful and sadistic Man-in-the-Sky. I hate your religion because you try to spread this shit, you try to force everyone else to recognise that they can never be anything else but slaves, when really, Humanity has the potential to be so beautiful. When really, so many people create wonderful things, write, draw, paint, compose, say, sing, dance, make, wonderful things. Everybody has that potential to be so beautiful, and yet your archaic religion insists that they are nothing but a slave-race, that they mustn’t be beautiful because God doesn’t care for Human potential, he only wants their adoration to satisfy his ego-complex. How can you honestly stand there and tell me that homosexuality is wrong and should be illegal, or even punishable by death? Have you ever been in love? You can’t choose who you fall in love with! How can you say that such as beautiful, cherished and heart-warming thing such as love can ever be wrong and evil? How can you claim that two people of the same-sex will be forever tortured by a ‘loving’ God because they fell in love, they didn’t choose to fall in love, no one can choose who they love.

I hate your religion, dear Christian, because it stands as nothing more than a way of trying to attack what you cannot understand. It has nothing to do with me being ‘narrow-minded’, nothing to do with me being ‘controlled by the Devil’, nothing to do with me being ‘a hate-filled person’; I hate your religion because it does not understand the beauty that is the Human race; the depths of our emotions, the breadths of our minds; the fiery love that sweeps us up and takes us to the arms of another; that passion under the oak tree as two men kiss. It doesn’t understand that moment of silence in the universe as two female lovers stare into each others eyes, that infinite wonder as we create our own salvation; as we, instead of depending upon others telling us what to do, create our own purpose and shape our universe. The great beauty of the Human race is and always will be our emotions, our curiosity; we see something we don’t understand and we try to comprehend it, we try to see how it works, we experiment, we learn, we grow, we think and we question. Your religion doesn’t understand these things, it never has.